Society teaches us that bad people are easily identified. From a child, we are taught to identify the bad guy as someone mean, frowned face, scary look. We carry this naivety to adulthood when seeking out mates. A bad guy is this kind of guy who dresses, acts and looks a certain way. The good guy went to school here, works there, is from this family and speaks the kings English. These stereotypes not only harm our ability to see people for who they are, but also allow for bad people to slip under the radar, kind of like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Now don't get me wrong, if you like wolves than you have no problem when they show up, no matter how they are dressed. But for those of us looking for a nice sheep (myself included), I would like him to be just as he presents. To speak from personal experience, I often get painted with the "good girl" brush. You all know what that means, (for those who don't, it means that for the most part I'm a respectable chick who could be someone’s girlfriend or wife.) Now being the "good girl" is great at times, most of the time men don't approach me with the general garbage and hold me to a higher standard when dealing with me. Trust me when I tell you, this is a general pattern of behavior and NOT how it always goes (as you will learn shortly). There are other times when being the "good girl" sucks because some men shy away from dealing with me at all, its too much work to try to be decent and up front (their words not mine), my expectations are too high and they just aren't ready for "all that". Among that bunch of men who have no good plans for a "good girl" are the BAD GUYS who seem like GOOD GUYS (remember wolf and sheep reference). These guys are what make being a "good girl" like being the red dot in the middle of a target! You see all good girls are encouraged by their family and friends to find a "good guy", the one who measures up to her educational attainments, accomplishments and dignity. And let's face it, the "good guy" population is not as large as the "good girl" population (particularly in the black community). So when a good guy shows up in the life of a good girl, oh how we all rejoice!! Finally that lonely good girl will find that rare good guy and they will live happily ever after....until well, they don't!
Don't get me wrong, sometimes that is exactly how it happens. Girl meets boy, boy courts girl, they live, love and happy ever after it is (FYI - I've never seen this happen, but I still believe, sorta.) But sometimes the so called good guy is nothing but an asshole in a suit and tie. And not your typical suit and tie asshole (those are usually easily spotted) but the one who presents like he is a decent guy looking for a decent woman. He is respectful, has manners, treats women like he was raised somewhere. You know the type. And no matter how hard you look for the signs of a bad guy, you can't find it anywhere. So you begin to believe that you may have uncovered the rare jewel. And although you spend tons of time wondering how the hell this jewel landed your my lap, you get closer, allowing this good guy into your life and your heart. Slowly and cautiously, you let down your guard and begin to believe the hype that maybe, just maybe, the lonely good girl has found the rare good guy, until…he shows his damn ASS!!
You see the less spoken aspect of this “good guy” syndrome is the fact that most so called good guys know they are rare. They know that they are the few and far between men who have accomplished a few things and know how to say please and thank you. They are sensitive, in touch with their feelings and overall present like all they want is to settle down with the right woman, have 2.5 kids, a dog and live happily ever after. And again, some of them are exactly that. But my message today to “good girls” everywhere is this, don’t be fooled by the so called good guy. Just because he presents well does NOT make him a good guy. In addition, saying and doing all the right things can be seen as a red flag rather than a great attribute. Because frankly, no guy, good or bad, says and does all the right things, all the time.
It is so easy to get caught up with the allure of the “good guy” that it may be difficult to see his bad guy ways. Presentation is everything and sometimes what people present is not actually who they are. Let us not have our radar so skewed that we can only see the wolves that are clearly dressed as wolves. That type of naivety will lead to the “good girl” being bitten by the wolf. And trust me, the bite hurts MUCH worse when the wolf is in sheep’s clothing.
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