What About Your Friends?

What about your friends? That song was stuck in my head over the last few days. It all began when I thought about the fact that I hadn’t spoken to someone who I had been friends with since I was 10 years old after a falling out in December. Sure we spoke that one time when it was awkward and neither of us really addressed the issue. But since then, total silence. When I realized that winter had turned to summer, I got promoted at work, took trips and lived regular life all without speaking to my friend in almost 7 months, it dawned on me – if that much time could go by without me noticing it, did I really miss her in my life?

I pondered this issue inside for about a month, not mentioning to anyone else because I didn’t want their input. The people who love you the most never want to see you hurt by anyone, especially someone who you call friend. And anyone could see I was really hurt. Throughout this ordeal, I really tried hard to silence the outside noise that came from my other well intentioned loved ones because this wasn’t like any other situation. She wasn’t just a friend I picked up here or there. This was someone I had a solid friendship with and shared years of my life tangled together. We were family without the shared DNA. We spent holidays together, disagreed with each other and found our own common ground. We had the kind of friendship that I thought would only end through death, so I didn’t need anyone else’s two or three cents about what they thought I should do. I kept telling myself, this isn’t like her, why would she act this way, there is no real reason for this, something else must be going on, I’m not going to take this personally. That was, until it got personal. After weeks of trying to find our way back to the friendship we once knew and rebound from our falling out, I received an email full of daggers, insults and disrespectful tones, the kind that can only come from someone you are really tight with, the kind that sting to the core, the kind that end friendships.

So the question of whether or not I missed her was hard to answer because after our falling out, I wasn’t quite sure I knew the person she was at that point. I didn’t recognize her and after knowing someone half your life, you should be able to recognize them, right? By this point, why we fell out wasn’t even the issue any more, at least not for me. I was (and still am) quite confused as to what her issue is with me and I haven’t had an issue with her throughout this entire 7 months. I have been in a constant state of confusion. So when I noticed she deleted me from FB, I had to ask – is it like THAT?

The deletion from FB was her sign that we were no longer friends, not even in cyber space where you can be friends with Mary J. Blige or Barack Obama. But more than that, it was the final nail in the coffin that holds 20 years of friendship. While I am still unclear as to why it is over, one thing is for sure, it is over. I figure, if we can’t even be friends anymore in cyber space, there is no place in real life where we can make it. Am I sad to see her go? Of course. But unlike many people, I rarely resurrect dead friendships. And with all the blessings that have rained down on my life in these last 7 months, I haven’t even had time to miss her.
Apparently, I was right all along, this friendship would only end through death, the kind more poignant than actual death because you know the person is still here but you no longer know they exist. I once read a quote that said “It is sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.” Is it sad? Yes. But sometimes so very necessary.

Thoughts?