Pretty Girls Rock Huh?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The most important beholder of that beauty reflecting in the mirror is you. Confidence is essential to life. If you don’t think you are beautiful why should anyone else? Etc. Etc. Etc.

With that being said, pretty is not now, nor has it ever been enough for anything. To be pretty is wonderful. To have a face or a look of beauty naturally is icing on the cake of life. If by some chance you are not born with all the features to make a pretty face, learning to accentuate what you have and find your pretty is even better. And when you have your pretty or find it, where will that pretty get you? That is the question at hand.

The song that sparked this internal conversation for me is Keri Hilson’s most recent single “Pretty Girl Rock.” See the video below....



Now from the title of the song one could assume its contents and after listening to it a few times, I felt I had the gist of what Ms. Keri was trying to say. Yet I found it necessary to google the lyrics just to be absolutely clear. And I realized there were a few parts of the song that struck me, starting with the verse below:

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad cause I'm cuter than the girl that's witcha
I can talk about it cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me


I have never been from the thought process that women were ever jealous of me for any reason at all. I especially never believed that another woman was jealous of me because of how pretty I am. It is just not a concept I relate to. In reality, I find most of this song difficult to relate to, especially the fact that walking in a room and being pretty is some sort of jaw dropping, clock stopping event. Most rooms I find myself in, pretty girls walk in the door one after another. So either I find myself in some really good rooms or my gauge of pretty is skewed.
The song continues…..

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk the way I dress
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful


And there it is - the line about this song that turns me totally off. “Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful.” This song is on its face an anthem for “girls” to spark confidence and pride in being the prettiest girl in the room. If you dig a little deeper you will find a song that pumps it fist for confidence that borderlines (actually walks right over the line) conceit on such a one dimensional level that makes being the prettiest girl in the room a goal of sorts. I find the most disturbing part of this song to be the conceit it promotes, for that trait is one I detest most in people, particularly women. I also approach this as a person who finds that personality shines brightly through your face and to be conceited is not pretty at all, in fact it is ugly.

This all brings me to another issue I thought of as I listened to this song over and over again. I was raised by two people who were consistent about what they thought I should feel was important. So what I heard constantly as a child was “you are so smart” and “I am so proud of you” and “you are expected to be excellent.” So intellect and achievement were then, as they are now, the badges of honor I rock. They are the flags I fly proudly always and often. But “Don’t hate me cause I’m super smart, educated, intellectual and intriguing” wouldn’t really get much radio play.

I also got messages about being “pretty.” The main message being that pretty wasn’t enough. But beyond that, the message was that pretty was fluid, arbitrary and constantly up for debate. I was expected to always take pride in my appearance, do everything possible to keep up the important things (hygiene, teeth, skin and hair) and everything else would fall into place. For full disclosure, anyone who has known me my entire life knows there were some times when my look was pretty questionable. I am not sure if my mother was trying to prepare me for the harsh reality of not being deemed conventionally “pretty” or this was really how she felt in general. Either way – her message to me was clear. You will grow into your beauty and beauty is far more fascinating, intriguing, and enduring than “pretty” ever will be. She also wanted me to understand that in life, what males found to be “pretty” was going to change as we all grew older. This helped me get through those awkward junior high days where I wasn’t the top pick on the menu for boys. And it’s not to paint the picture of my life as some ugly duckling stuck in the corner. I was always popular in school with both boys and girls. I had tons of friends, was always involved in stuff and overall had a great time through my awkward phase. It just took me longer than others to come into my own to embrace my height, big feet, dark skin and big nose. When I finally figured it all out, I was off and running, I found my pretty. But long before I found my pretty, I had to find my personality, my spark, my shine. Because I was taught, I was going to have to be much more in life than just pretty.

I can’t hate on the “Pretty Girl Rock.” It’s a song, one many people enjoy. For me, I just find its contents to promote a way of thinking that is sure to disappoint many of these young girls (and some grown women) who repeat its words with pride. Your walk, your talk, the way you dress are all superficial aspects of who you are that can (and will) change at any time. Furthermore, by implying that someone can simply hate you just because you are beautiful sends the message that someone could love you simply for that same reason alone. A message which jades folks into believing that pretty is enough. Sadly, life will break it to you harsh and quick – Pretty girls may rock, but to be just a pretty girl, that doesn’t rock at all!