CNN Presents Black in America
In the days leading up to this show my cup ran over with excitement. Just the thought of a show that was going to address the issues of being Black in this country was enough to get me excited. That level was only increased by the fact that a mainstream network like CNN was covering this topic and picked Soledad O’Brien, a woman with a Black mother and an Irish dad, as the host. Sadly, after the watching the first part of the show, I am terribly disappointed. In my opinion the show fell flat on describing a total picture of the Black experience in America.
To give the show and its creators the benefit of the doubt, it was only a two hour show. The first part, which was designed to cover Black women, moved through the segments so fast it made my head spin. From commercial to commercial the topics were changing, never really giving enough attention to the important issues. My take on the show is outlined below:
Soledad O’Brien
My cousin Tracey was the first person I heard from regarding Soledad O’Brien’s job as the host of this show. She was fuming about Mrs. O’Brien’s delivery. Prior to seeing the show, I assumed she would have a different approach. However, in my opinion, her approach was cold and harsh at times. My sister describes this as good journalism because she never made it about her, however, I felt like she was far removed from the people she was interviewing. That was a turn off for me. I understand why she had to do it, but I was turned off from her, after a while I began to block out that she was even there, it could have been anyone asking the questions by hour two.
The White Patriarch
So the Rand family who they decided to follow in order to describe the variety of experiences in one Black family, had a white man at the root of the family. I found this point to be a very good way to describe the black family because that is ALL of our stories. We are not simply the descendants of people from Africa. Many of us have someone white in our family and the story usually goes something like the one told last night. What I will say is that I do not believe that Ann (the black woman in the piece) volunteered to have 6 kids by this white man in the late 1800’s. I am sure that situation was not one of love and passion. It was probably one of survival and convenience. Definitely not something to be romanticized.
Single Educated Black Women
This is a point that I feel was touched on pretty briefly but a necessary equation to the story. Yes educated black women have a hard time meeting men with equal credentials. That is just a fact. And yes, if you are indeed a black woman who is committed to finding your life partner in a black man, it may be extremely difficult for you to find a mate who shares a similar life experience as you. However, that does NOT mean that you cannot find a partner who is black. It does mean that it is a difficult task, one not experienced by women of other races. In last nights show there seemed to be a direct correlation made between being an educated black woman seeking love and interracial dating. Of the entire show, that seemed to be the only portion that was focused on a “solution”. It appeared that the solution to the educated black woman who cannot find a man was simply to find a white man. I do not think that is the solution at all. Because if we as educated black women abandon black men, where does that leave the black family? Now I know many of you will have opinions about that and I welcome them. However I am committed to marrying a man of color because above anything else I love me some black men! I believe in the strength and power of black men and want to spend my life raising my children with a strong black man. That is a personal choice. But I will not let it stand that the solution to the problem for educated black women is going outside their race, there has to be something else besides that.
Single Motherhood
I could go on forever about this topic but I wont. It is my opinion that the breakdown of the black family is a direct result of the fact that it has become socially acceptable in black America for women to have children without being married. In addition to having A child without being married, many women have subscribed to the notion that having multiple children by multiple men is OK. The startling and HEARTBREAKING statistic that 70% of black children are born in single parent homes is horrible. Lets remember something, if you are NOT married, you are single. THE END. That statistic includes women who are living with their “Baby Daddy” as well. So it is not to say that 70% of black children live alone with their mothers only, it just says that their mothers are not married to their fathers.
When did marriage become so farfetched? I don’t know anyone in my inner circle who is married, but I know many with children. When did we become so comfortable with making a lifetime commitment to a person through having a child yet unable to make that same commitment through marriage? How are young boys supposed to grow up to be men who want to marry someone when all they see is their mothers, aunties and cousins having babies by “some guy”? Women we HAVE TO do better than this. Frankly there is no difference between the girl who gets pregnant at 16 and has a baby by some guy and the woman at 34 who decides to have a baby by some guy – either way a statistic is a statistic. Yes that is harsh but it is true. We can not keep wondering why our children are filing up jail cells and morgues without first examining the black family. And contrary to what everyone will have us believe, the nuclear family is STILL a mother, father and children.
And about Marrying your Baby Daddy – you guys can debate that part, it kinda flew below my radar on the show. But at the end of the day, we need to find a middle ground where children are not being left to only be raised in a house by mothers.
Overall, I found the show to be full of problems, absent of solutions. I found many things about the show to be interesting and wonderful that it was addressed by the mainstream media. However there were several points that I am critical of and I think could have been done better. Frankly there were issues like healthcare and the HIV/AIDS crisis that need a series of their own. I literally cried listening to the statistics about Washington, DC (Chocolate City) where 1 in 20 people are infected with HIV. Black people make up a large percentage of the population there. You tell me we are not in a CRISIS!!! I think it is clear by the number of pregnancies that occur outside of “monogamous” relationships that our people are NOT taking condom use seriously. And pregnancy is the least of your worries if you are sleeping with a person infected with any STD, especially HIV. We have to do better than this.
I could go on forever, but I wont. I want to open up the forum for all of you who saw the show to give your HONEST take on it. I am just one black woman with one view of the world. Please, enlighten me…..
5 comments:
I dont really know where to start so I will start with my girl Soledad O'Brien.
Objectivity:
That is what S.O was attempting to exhibit in her handling of all of these very important topics. She is a Black women, a professional, a mother (of sons) and in and a product of an interacial marraige. What S.O did was not make this piece which was very much about her not about her. Her objectivity and ability to play "devil's advocate" is to be applauded. It was handle well in my opinion she didnt just create this piece for Black folks she wanted to make sure all others heard the story.
Now on to the Black Women/White Man thing. Well look the women in the piece said it herself it is very hard to have a relationship like this especially when kids are involved. The women said it herself if they would have talked more and explored these scenarios prior to marriage they might not have opted to get married. Take from that what you will. But the fact of the matter is this if you have a biracial child and it appears to be black....it Black. We are not nor will we ever be a color-blind society. ANd that's ok.
The Single Motherhood shit well that's another story. There is something wrong here. We as a people have some self worth issues on both sides. I am not here to make my single moms feel bad. But I wish folks would keep it real more and stop the frontin' we are all fam! That shit is the hardest thing ever. We saw in the piece how adversely a child's life is affected when there is only one parent providing care. We have to think beyond the baby shower from now on!
I feel like I'm on a rant...
Ok,
The AIDS rate thing was scary as hell! If your from the Bronx dont talk to me PERIOD and if your from D.C dont even look at me. We got to put on somemore condoms I know it aint natural and all of that but neither is spending the better part of your life taking dozens of pills everyday.
That's all I have to say for now. I'm ready hear from you all.
I will just follow the format created:
Soledad O'Brien very much irked me in her approach. I, too, found it cold and removed; no, the piece was not about her but wouldn't the topic "Black Women in America" encompass her as well? I venture to say by hour two, she could have been any white reporter sitting there asking about my community. And by the way, go take a look at her kids and tell me if genes don't jump even if you try to water them down.
The White Patriarch is every black family's story and why we needed to start there was very cumbersome to me. I sincerely doubt that Ann's side of the story was one of love or gratitude; it was all about survival and making the best out of a bad situation. I have no plans to look for the "others" in my geneology as I do not relate nor embrace that tainting of our blood. Taking a turn around the corner but in the same neighborhood--I think that some and even we as a community try to remove Africa from our conception and make it removed from our history. It irritates me when they refer to Barak's dad as black, he was African--there is a difference and it's ok.
Single Motherhood/Single Parenthood
As we saw in this piece, it can go either way. Now, where was the call for the brother who was just trying to make a life for his babies to after his "baby mama" for his child support? It does work both ways. Yes, I agree, parenting is the hardest job on the planet. Yes, I agree, children do better when two parents are present in their life. However, I do not agree that marriage is the answer or best case scenarios for all or even most of these cases. Most of the people we know with kids got that "Oops baby" and never planned on being with that person, let alone a spouse. I also did not feel bad for the single mother in the story because at some pt, shouldn't a correlation be made between sex and these babies? She did not have to end up with 5 kids. That was her doing also.
Personally, I am not of the opinion that marriage constitues a family. A family is based on the bonds and relationships between the people and blood lines may or may not be a factor. Hell, the majority of what I consider to be my family, has no blood tie to me and I would give anything I had for them. I fully believe in the black family, but not at any cost. Is it better for appearance sake to have two, cancorous, unhappy people in a house raising a child or two separate stable, loving, happy people working together to parent? This is about personal responsibility in my opinion. I don't care if she's 16 or 34, I'M TIRED OF PAYING FOR YOU LAYING ON YOUR BACK and I can't even get an asprin without a bill at the hospital. Yes, we must think past the baby shower, but we also have to think past "I'se married now" and just having a ring on our finger. What does that really mean? Are you in it for life or content to have starter marriages and keeping going until it works or you give up?
Marry Your Baby Daddy day--all I saw was the episode of the Fresh Prince where Jazz married the chick from prison and they danced down the isle. It was just that ghetto minus the fabulous to me. Presentation is everything. Perhaps if we had some respect when we spoke of the mother or father of our child, rather than Baby mama or Baby Daddy.
The AIDS crisis was devastating to me! What do we do, where do we start?
Within this piece, I also found myself having major issues (as I normally do) with the black church especially the mega church. Where is the branch out of resources, programs from these mega churches to the smaller, but more frequent community churches? A church, a liquor store and a bodega is on every block in Harlem; no one thinks that their congregation would like to eat fresh? Where is the initiative and assistance to change lives and not get folks saved and pay tithes?
Single Black Women
Well, they always said we had it hardest and in this situation, we certainly do. Is going "global" my only option? That is a very scary thought to me. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I would say this is calculated genocide: take a people, subtract its men, the women's only option is to be alone or procreate elsewhere, you breed out a people. Just a thought.
This piece also made me realize that I am very sensitive to speech. When the husband spoke about first seeing his wife, "I saw this girl..." I heard girl so clearly and it made me bristle. I think interracial couples need to have real talk about the kids. America is not and will not be color blind, and yes, that is not always a bad thing. If I was in an interracial relationship and we were having children, it would need to be understood that these children are black. Only. That's just how I feel about it....
Yes, we got a lot of issues presented and less solutions. I don't think it spoke to Black women specifically enough but they tried to get it a lot in. What I can commend it for is that it sparks conversation but in the midst of this talk, we need some action. I vote for modern Garveyism and all the progressive black folks go and start over. Rebuild. Re-educate. Re-love ourselves and our own. No niggas allowed (and this is not based upon color but actions).
Okay, I’m going to skip any discussion on Soledad O'Brien because I do not fully understand journalism, but I do know that had she involved herself in the story too much she would have missed the opportunity to get more viewers. When the journalist is too involved you lose certain audiences.
Single Mothers/Marriage
I am technically a single mother, my tax filing status is “single”; however, I live with and share full child rearing responsibilities with my son’s father. To uneducated people I guess I am a “baby mama”, and to my educated counterparts I am the “mother of his child”. Babies and marriage are not things to be taken lightly, by no means. They are both lifelong commitments to a person, but on different levels. I in no way condone having a baby with just anyone; however, I also do not agree that marriage is the answer.
A piece of paper or a vow taken in front of God does not mean that a man will take care of his responsibilities. Marriage does not mean that a man or woman will be faithful. Marriage will not solve many of the problems that we face today. People have a false perception of marriage. Let me say that in the past it may have looked like marriage and a two-parent home lead to stable, well-rounded children and crime was down, etc. But I would argue and say that just as many married people were unhappy, cheating; and the children that resulted from these unhappy homes were drug dealers, rapist, etc. In my opinion, the problem today is that we (Black people) have lost our drive to succeed. People who are from single parent homes are very capable of being doctors, lawyers, and professors. But somewhere along the line the drive to make a change was lost. The get-up and go that Black people once had was lost. Let me bring it home by saying that when Martin Luther King decided to make a change was it because he was raised in a two-parent home…no it was because he had the “drive”, the need to succeed, and he knew that failure was not an option. We as a race have lost that…failure has been come okay for too many of us.
The Black Church
I was too happy to see Razzie address this issue. I am all for faith in God and believing that he will see you through. However, I think the black church has made this a business; it is no longer about your faith and praying to the lord with the hopes that he will carry you through the rough times. Where in the bible did God say that giving 10% of your income would get you into heaven, where did he say that one sin was better or less sinful than another; maybe I am reading a different bible. When you can’t give 10% the black church tells you…”sister give the church your last and you will see God works in mysterious ways”, but God did not say anywhere give the church your last and do not have lights or gas. There is never a need for a middle man to pray to your God. My final thought on this issue is when you enter a predominantly white community is there a church on every corner…NO – but does that make them any less faithful…NO! Church has become a business and not a place of worship.
I wanted to see other statistics like:
• more black women are in college than ever before – we aren’t just dying of AIDS we are also getting educated at higher rates
• More black women are going on to higher education
• How about some of our very successful black women – Oprah, Ms. Rice, CEO of Hewitt Packard and other large companies. – We aren’t all ignorant, uneducated “baby mamas”, with five different baby daddies.
I see so many stories of Black Plight in America – all the black children dying in Chicago, the black men being killed by police, the HIV/AIDS rate. Why could we doing an uplifting story like “Black in America the Untold Truth and Success Stories”. Maybe I am being ignorant but I don’t think we are all broke, uneducated, and HIV/AIDS positive.
Let me start by saying this. I am so proud of Jenny for intelligently speaking to her situation and her choices. I wish there were more women who spoke and thought like you. You speak to making choices in your life and taking care of your responsiblites. Many of our sisters do not make choices they let things happen to them.
I applaud you for being empowered and thoughtful enough to live YOUR life. Many of our sister are not living their life they are letting things happen to them as if they have no control and there are young lives being affected negatively by it.
Also, I'm not saying marriage is the answer to saving the Black Family but I am say that women have to stop choosing to have babies or marrying "Aint Shit Men" and then get mad when they act like "Aint Shit Men". We are ALL grown here and we all can usually tell when some on "Aint Shit". They might be fun, but they "aint shit". Let's not breed with the "Aint Shit Man" and hopefully in the near future the "Aint Shit Tribe" will become extinct.
Shantel,
Thank you for your thoughtful comments and we know I have learned from the best including you and Ms. Impressive Thoughts. :)
I am now feeling like I need to address part 2 of “Black in America.” I was so disgusted, to say the least. I feel like the media always finds the most trifling black person to put on the news (i.e. the crack head that just happens to see the shooting or the young man with three babies he doesn’t take care of). I was even more disgusted by the young lady…living in her mother house and continuing to have babies. I mean when do we as women decide that we are Powerful, Strong, and Independent. When do we begin to stop treating sex (especially unprotected sex) as something to be given to every man that come along and professes his undying love? When do we look in the mirror and say to ourselves “this man does not define who I am, I define who I am”? Why have we (women) allowed sex to become a given, and not something a man has to earn. When will we remember that our bodies are a temple and not everyone is worthy of entrance?
I agree with Shantel lets stop pretending that we know these men are worth a damn…open your eyes…If he tells you he does not want to have a baby with you, why would you have his baby. And then when he is nowhere to be found…why are you mad…he told you he was not worth a damn. When he does not take care of his other children…what makes you think your child is any different…I have news for you, your child is going to be fatherless just like his others. Lets not blame it all on the men, lets keep it real, WOMEN are just as trifling as men. You see he has dreams at 17 so why would you destroy both your futures by trying to get pregnant? Okay, so he has a good job and a little money, but you are just a bootycall…so why try and get pregnant? Ladies, we need to keep it real with ourselves it is not just the men to blame. The irresponsible actions of some of these women today are also to blame. Ladies you are just as responsible as the worthless man you PURPOSELY got pregnant by. I am not justifying what the men do but lets not forget that women deserve some of the blame as well.
I was happy to see the gentleman that was trying to make a life for his family; although life kept handing him lemons. We need more stories like this in the news.
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