What is her vision?

Last night I was afforded the opportunity to listen to people discuss their vision for their lives six months from now (all while being a supportive sister). While most people envisioned themselves making more money and being more successful, there was one common theme among the married men. They wanted to make more money so they could allow their wives to spend more time with their children. This struck a cord with me. These men aspired to be better providers not so they could in turn be better more engaged fathers, rather they sought to afford their wives the luxury of being able to spend more time (hence work less) with their children.

Why did something so obviously male idea resonate with me? Well there are a two reasons for that:

1) Society would have you believe that men don't at all care that their wives are making money and able to contribute to the half (and in some cases more than half) of the total household income.

2) Society would also have you believe the idea that a woman's place is at home with her children is an old idea.

I will admit, it was sweet and endearing the way these men described how they wanted to "give" this "gift" to their wives. As I looked over at each wife, she smiled lovingly. But I couldn't help but to wonder, does she really want this gift? I'm sure some of them did and nothing would make them happier. But what if she didn't want to spend more time with their children, what if she wanted him to make more money so they could go on more vacations? What if she wanted him to make more money so they could buy a bigger house or have a bigger safety net? What if she wanted him to make more money so she could adjust her own career goals and focus on the job she really wants to do? Would she not be the doting wife and mother if she wanted an increase in his earned income not tied in anyway to her decrease?

I remind myself that I don't know these people personally, nor do I know the depth of their stories.  But one thing I do know, those old roles are still alive in the present.  The idea that a man's success is tied to his ability to provide financially for his family and a woman's success is tied to her desire/ability to be the best, most present mother she can be are still quite relevant today.  As is the notion that, no matter how much time he can spend with his children nor how much money she can make - neither will be happy ultimately because they aren't in their "proper" roles.

His vision was to make more money so he can afford his wife the chance to spend more time with their children. I wonder what her vision was...

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