Silence is All I Hear - RIP-Kerry Lynn Branch

I inhale deeply and close my eyes
I force them shut forcing the silence around me
I clinch my fists
I curl my toes
I struggle
All to hear your voice again
I force my memory, push it to the limit
I need to hear your voice
Inside the silence, I recall our last conversation
Yet the words read across my brain in a transcript
Silence is all I hear
I take my left hand and rub my right
As my eyes are shut tight
My mind is convinced I am touching your hand for that last time
In that room, nothing but silence
No more air in your lungs
No more struggle in your face
Nothing but silence, nothing but peace
I inhale deeply and force my eyes to remain shut
I need to live this memory
I need to hear your voice
Our last conversation, a transcript of words
Silence is all I can hear today
Silence is all I have
No matter how hard I force it
I will never hear your voice again
Silence is all I hear today
Silence is all I have
And in the silence you left me with
Along with a shattered heart
In that silence I will never hear you again
I close my eyes tight
I inhale as deep as I can
I force myself to hear silence
I force myself to feel your presence
Your words a transcript across my brain
Your beauty written all over my face
Your life lived in every moment I breathe
Your loss felt in every second I exist
Your silence is all I hear
Loud and clear
To remind me everyday
You are gone

Even when I think there are no more words left to express my grief, I find more.  She was everything I needed in life and remains everything I need in death.  11 years she has been gone yet there is no difference today than on that Friday afternoon, 11 years ago.  She fought to live, she didnt want to die.  I knew that then, I know that always.  I remind myself of that as often as possible so that I remember to grieve for what she lost as well, a vibrant and full life for which she wasnt done living.  My mommy died 11 years ago today. I have not been the same since.  People think a point comes in your life comes where you dont need your mother, those people usually have mothers who are alive. 

Mommy - you gave me life and for that I thank you.  I wish you were here, because I need you.  And there is never a moment that goes by when I dont need you.  My heart is permanently broken and will remain that way forever. 

I love you, I honor you and I miss you....today and forever.

RIP - Kerry Lynn Branch
March 6, 1955 - October 6, 2000