Misunderstood

I am not crazy. I know this to be true because I asked a doctor once. She said no. So whenever people try to make me seem like I am anything but what I am, I become extremely frustrated, agitated and downright angry. This doesn’t just apply to be labeled as crazy. It applies to any and every label that I am not including selfish, stingy, shy, mean, unfriendly, self absorbed, a workaholic, uptight, etc.

Now I know there is no way to control what people that don’t really know me think about me. And on most days I am fine with people who, having had a limited interaction with me like at a dark party or a social gathering or facebook, make claims about who I am that just aren’t true. I give them a pass because they don’t know me. Therefore they don’t matter.
But when people in my life who I believe on some level know enough about me that they should make proper assertions about who I am and how I think, go left with descriptions of me, I begin to feel isolated, anxious and most of all misunderstood.

The notion that a person who is focused on their career, doesn’t care to focus on other aspects of their life is absurd. Yet it is a notion placed upon me by people who know me very well. The idea that a person isn’t interested in making the art of new friendships a newly adopted habit at the ripe age of 30 makes them antisocial is also absurd. Yet that label has also been placed upon me by those who know me best. And since I share my life with people who have no problem being vocal with their labels (I love them for this) I am often defending myself from such assertions arguing that I am neither detached from life outside of work nor antisocial. In fact, I am passionate about my career (and willing to put in all the hard work now) and satisfied (if not overjoyed) by the social circle I maintain.

I know there is no harm meant in these labels and for the most part they do no harm until they are internalized. On my best days, they roll off my back as the opinion of a few based on individual values that often seek to place what others think is important upon me. On my worst days, these labels and others like crazy, make me feel misunderstood by those who are supposed to know me best. Being misunderstood may be less of an issue for someone with a more complex and twisted personality than my own. But for me, recognizing how clearly cut I am about most things, being misunderstood seems almost impossible. That is until the labels come raining down like a monsoon leading me to wonder exactly who it is that I introduce to others and why does she often differ so much from the woman I know myself to be?