Nice Girls Dont Get the Corner Office - What I learned..

My approach to reading this book was that of a student willing to learn. It was nothing short of amazing reading this book during the work week and noticing some of the things the author spoke about occurring in my very own workplace. It made the lessons alot easier to grasp as I saw them playing out right in front of me.

According to the author, there are 101 unconscious mistakes women make to self sabotage their careers. However, she does make the point that most women don't make all the mistakes. For the most part, as the author describes, most women make 1/4 of the mistakes listed. But I found it very helpful that she mentioned all 101 and that I read them all. It made me aware of things that I may not do personally but that other women I know or work with may do. Enlightening would be an understatement. Of the 101 rules, I have listed the ones that jumped out at me:

1. Pretending it isn't a game - This is the idea that woman do not always treat work/career as if there is a game to be played. Knowing how to play the game is not a negative thing, neither is acknowledging that it is indeed a game.


2. Waiting to be given what you want - We have all been there, sitting on the sideline expecting someone at work to recognize our great work and give us the benefits of that good work. That doesn't happen in the work world, you have to ask for what you want. Women often tend to wait instead of ask - that can be a big mistake.


3. Failing to capitalize on relationships - "Once you need a relationship it is too late to build it." Women sometimes act like there isn't as much importance in relationship building as there actually is. And sometimes we don't want to name drop or use a relationship that we know we have built to our advantage. That is part of playing the game. *this was a biggie for me*


4. Needing to be liked - This is something that some women suffer from and when taken into the workplace, it can be crippling.


5. Not needing to be liked - This can be just as crippling as wanting to be liked. There needs to be a balance between the two.


6. Flirting - Ohhh this one is a tough one. Because ALOT of women thing using this tactic is very successful in getting what they want. And it may be, but according to the author, this tactic can back fire and undermine women.


7. Failing to define your brand - Failing to zero in on your speciality and what asset you bring to an organization is a major mistake because if you don't know your worth, how can you expect someone else will. This is especially important in fields where you are selling yourself as a product.


8. Couching statements as questions - This is tactic used to soften the message/statement. Hiding the statement in a question makes it safe. Women often use this to seem less assertive and direct.


9. Smiling inappropriately - Yes there are times to smile, but when you trying to be taken seriously, adding a smile is not appropriate or effective.


10. Crying - This speaks for itself. Crying at work in front of people is never ok. *seriously*

There were so many more unconscious mistakes the author highlighted that really hit home for me. I understood her point that women are often trying to tone down themselves in the workplace for fear of appearing too aggressive or "like a man". But in doing so, women shut themselves out of the game which leads to the success they are capable of achieving.

The one thing I thought the entire time I was reading it - but I am a Black woman (the author touched on this in one sentence). While the the direction and coaching she give seems like it can work, for me there are two things working against me - being a woman and being Black. That combination makes this dance even that much more difficult. If you think the office cant stand a pushy, ambitious woman, imagine her being black....

Overall, I found this book to be extremely helpful in identifying unconscious mistakes. Because those are the worst - things aren't going the way you think they should be but you cant figure out why. This book encourages women to take charge of their careers in a way that men are groomed to do naturally. I believe every woman who wants to be in control of her career and its direction should pick up this book ASAP!

FYI - I picked up this book because another ambitious woman who I really admire suggested it many times over in her blog. She is surely on to something!