Detox!

Tuesday usually isnt a day that bugs me. I mean its the second day of the work week but by all accounts nothing about it usuallys sucks. For me getting back in to the groove of work has been pretty easy, I guess I enjoy working alot more than I ever realized. I am also pleased because today marks my second day of detox. Ok I know what you are thinking, what crazy way of detoxing is she using. No need to worry, I am only using a detox tea (which taste alot like bush tea from South Africa). The bigger question is, why am I detoxing....

Well I went on vacation, where eating should be part of the overall daily agenda because that is what you do. I ate more french fries (my fav food btw) than I have ever eaten in one 5 day period. They also had these yummy chicken fingers (more fried food) and an abundance of other tasty treats. I over endulged because...well....it was included. (insert bbm embarrassed face). So I am detoxing from all the junk I ate.

Over endulging in something that feels good in the moment but isnt good for me has been chosen behavioral pattern with HIM for a very long time. I enjoyed every taste of him even the ones I knew would lead to extra weight down the road. I over endulged in him because at one point, he was the sweetest thing I had ever tasted. My guilty pleasure at times and at other times I didnt feel guilty at all. Guilt would imply that I was aware that anything at all was wrong with this relationship and for the majority of it, I couldnt see the errors. In the moments it felt good. And even when it didnt feel good, the bad feeling felt good (it reminded me that I could feel). Alas, I am detoxing from HIM as well. Not because he is bad, but because he is bad for me. Not because he does anything to me but because of what I do to myself. Not just because of me. I am detoxing for HIM too. I love him and I know that he loves me. But I know that we have spent far too long standing in each others way. I know there is a woman who will give him exactly what he needs to make him feel the way he needs to feel. This woman will make him feel like a man always. She will allow him to lead her and by her sheer presence alone, he will feel proud to be who he is. I can visualize her in my head. He deserves her, she isnt me. (Ouch ouch ouch, but true) This detox is for the both of us because I care just that much for him.

Kelly Clarkson put it very well:

"Remember all the things we wanted, now the memories are haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held high it never would have worked out right yea, we were never meant for do or die. I didnt want us to burn out, I didnt come here to hurt you now I cant stop."

"I want you to know, that it doesnt matter, where we take this road, someones gotta go. And I want you to know you couldnt have loved me better, but I want you to move on, so I am already gone."

Sometimes the detox is necessary and sometimes so is leaving...