Breaking up is hard to do, isnt it?

Whenever people used to say people grow apart, I would cringe. People don't grow apart I thought, if you really love someone and love who they are at their core, you grow together, not apart. You accept a person for who they are and you love them. What I came to realize with age and especially as I close out the twenties, people do indeed grow apart. Sometimes it happens in an instant but most times it takes years before you realize that the person you knew 10 years ago is in no way the same person you know today. Even more mind blowing is the realization that this person is someone you no longer like.

Friendships, especially those built in childhood, have a difficult road to travel in order to make it to adulthood. As you grow and change, life impacts who you are. Sometimes friends can stay, sometimes they can't. Length of friendship is not a good way to measure importance or validity. It is the quality of the relationship between two people that should determine just how great a friendship is. The twenties appear to have a special impact on friendships. Through your twenties everyone is deciding who they want to be. Life decisions like marriage, children and career begin to come into play and usually at different paces for different people. Individuals who once defined themselves as one thing, begin to take on many hats, their interests change, so do yours, next thing you know, the person who was your best friend at 21 is now just someone you "know" at 29.

If you are anything like me, you cringe at the thought of breaking up with your friends. They say breaking up is hard to do, but is it really?

Don't get me wrong, I've broken up with a few friends in my day. But my version of break up in those instances looked a lot like an episode of "The Bad Girls Club" and often had me looking like the BAD GIRL. Screaming, yelling, saying really mean things (I once told an ex friend that she shouldn't even come to my funeral, that wasn't nice). I often needed a dramatic finish because at the time, I was dramatic. (The kind of dramatic that showed up in ALL my relationships) I also wasn't in touch with my god given verbal ability to express my feelings. So I often let years go by with friends doing things that bothered me. I made allowances for people because we were friends and let things fester until they exploded (hence the funeral comment). So that's why until recently, the thought of breaking up with a friend made me sweat. Because I had that visual of some dramatic theatrical finish, which I literally have no time to participate in, I just avoided the topic all together. I figured when I wasn't looking, the people I didn't really desire to have around would just disappear. But that too is a poor way to handle a friendship that has run its course because it demonstrates a disregard for what the friendship was (when it was good).

So as I approach 30, I accept my part in the deterioration of some of my friendships. I no longer place blame on the other person solely, realizing that they likely don't like the "new" me any more than I like the "new" them. Its ok. It was good while it lasted. But sometimes you just have to be an adult, look a friend in the eye and say "I just don't think its working out anymore, I think we should go our separate ways." It doesn't mean you don't speak in the street, doesn't mean you delete them from FB, it just means that the relationship isn't what it once was and there is no need to pretend otherwise. There will be still be holiday cards and pictures of the new baby. But what once was is over and that is perfectly ok. It is a mature break up, now is that so hard?