There is no task a single human being can undertake greater than becoming a parent. If it goes as it does in the fairy tale, boy meets girl, they fall love, get married and have a baby (or 2 or 10). We all know that there are a few variations to this fairy tale these days, but at the end of the day, it is understood that two people will get together and make a baby. With more women entering the workforce and choosing to have careers in the early parts of their child bearing years, many are up against the precious timeline of 35-40 to squeeze out a baby. Society and the medical profession have decided that anytime after 40, your chances of motherhood are drastically lower and highly risky. So when a woman reaches this point in her life (or any other point where she feels the desire to have a child) but has not yet entered the “fairy tale” scenario (or any scenario at all) what are her options for becoming a mother?
1) She can opt to get pregnant by the next man she sleeps with in an effort to just get
the baby. (Regardless of the circumstances of that relationship or lack thereof)
2) She can opt to go to a sperm bank and get pregnant through that method.
3) She can opt to adopt a child.
Now, there is no judgment in any of these choices a woman makes. Frankly whatever choice is made will be one that woman and that child have to deal and live with. However, I have started to wonder how much women think about option 3.
Sometimes women just get to a point where they want a baby, regardless of their circumstances. But if the desire is strictly for motherhood, meaning the act of raising a child, then why aren’t more single woman considering adoption as a means to the mommy end?
When option one is the chosen, there is no choice given to the man who is making the baby. In addition, it adds to the drama of having a father to this baby who you are not with i.e. sharing responsibility for care giving and raising a child. The problem with this is usually when two people are not together and have no plans on being together (or are just having sexual relationship), often they don’t know each other well enough to decide to be parents. Sometimes this works out for the best and the children are raised by two loving parents in separate homes. Other times this becomes about what the woman wanted and it is often left in her lap as a result.
When option two is chosen, there is no one to identify to help with this child. This means spending 9 months pregnant alone, and endless nights (in a house alone) with raging hormones and a crying baby. Although this option deletes the possible drama of the father being present, an added issue is presented as this child has no father or father’s side of the family to relate to. However, this can be a great choice if a woman’s desire to be a mother is strongly tied to her desire to be pregnant.
Then there is option three. Option three (my personal favorite) is a tad bit complex. There are millions of children in the country who need good homes. They don’t have ANY parents. So if a woman who has a lot going for her but has yet to find the “fairy tale” decides that she wants to share all that she has learned with another human being without actually getting pregnant, than adoption can be a viable choice. But unlike option one, there seems to be a stigma attached to adoption. My personal opinion is that children who are up for adoption are already here on earth. They don’t have anyone to take care of them and give them love. So bringing them into a single parent home or a two parent home is beneficial, either one is better than an orphanage or foster care.
So the question is, do women begin to crave motherhood or pregnancy? And if a woman, a single woman, has a desire to be a mother, is adoption a better option than making a baby alone?
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